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October 19, 2008

Jelly Roll Blues

Sometimes you get an early warning things

aren't gonna go so well.

Like the time I knew somehow that my twin brother

had fallen through a store's plate glass front window,

and was in serious condition in a far away hospital,

even though no one had told me yet.

I had that feeling when I woke up yesterday.

It was mostly a feeling about my favorite baseball

and college football teams.

On Friday, I'd tried to be positive, chatty with my son

and my friends, about the MSU Spartans,

Mizzo Tigers and Tampa Bay Rays.

But it didn't feel right.

And then Saturday morning, the nude fat lady shows up.

I was sitting at my computer terminal about 10 a.m,

bored, struggling to do Internet research for a client,

and spending more time just looking out

the window to the front yard.

When, about 3 feet before my eyes, this

Amazonian woman, about 6 ft, 300 pounds,

blocks out the sunlight from the window.

She is outside.

She knocks on my window.

She is nude.

I pick up my cell phone, dial 911 as

I open the front door, walk out, trying

to move us as far away from the door as possible.

(And I'm thinking to myself, 'Glad those

jelly rolls hide the merchandise.")

"Are you OK?," I ask the woman.

She mumbles something.

Turns, lumbers across Druid Street, and

into a house.

Two cop cars show up. Go in the house.

Leave 10 minutes later.

I think: "What did they do to help the lady?"

I go back to the computer

and the Internet research.

Thirty minutes later, the sun

disappears again.

SHE IS BACK at my window.

So, to shorten this story,

let me say this time 3 police cars;

two ambulances and a set of clothing

show up for the lady.

Which brings me to the subject of sports teams.

As strange as this may seem, I believe

the nude fat lady was trying to give

me some bad news about the Spartans,

Tigers and Rays' yesterday.

Because when she left, gloom set in.

I knew they were going to lose.

Just hope she doesn't come back this morning.

Tonight is game 7.