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August 04, 2006

Something To Offend (Almost) Everyone

Following shared by a friend.

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>What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?

>The position of the dirt bag

>

>Why is divorce so expensive?

>Because it's worth it.

>

>Why is air a lot like sex?

>Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any

>

>What do you call a smart blonde?

>A golden retriever.

>

>What do attorneys use for birth control?

>Their personalities.

>

>What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

>45 lbs

>

>What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

>45 minutes

>

>What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

>Through his chest with a sharp knife.

>

>Why do men want to marry virgins?

>They can't stand criticism.

>

>What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

>After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

>

>What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

>The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of

driving.

>

>What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

>A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

>

>What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

>"Are you sure it's mine?"

>

>Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

>Mace will do that to you.

>

>Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

>Breasts don't have eyes.

>

>Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays,

Wednesdays and Fridays?

>Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

>

>Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

>A different bar.

>

>What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

>A speech impediment.

>

>What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?

>They're hiring.

>

>What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

>A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe."

>

>How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

>Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

>

>What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

>A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."

>A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s....t"

>

>Why is there no Disneyland in China ?

>No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

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