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  • Something To Offend (Almost) Everyone

    Following shared by a friend.

    ---------

    >What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?

    >The position of the dirt bag

    >

    >Why is divorce so expensive?

    >Because it's worth it.

    >

    >Why is air a lot like sex?

    >Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any

    >

    >What do you call a smart blonde?

    >A golden retriever.

    >

    >What do attorneys use for birth control?

    >Their personalities.

    >

    >What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

    >45 lbs

    >

    >What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

    >45 minutes

    >

    >What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

    >Through his chest with a sharp knife.

    >

    >Why do men want to marry virgins?

    >They can't stand criticism.

    >

    >What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

    >After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

    >

    >What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

    >The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of

    driving.

    >

    >What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

    >A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

    >

    >What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

    >"Are you sure it's mine?"

    >

    >Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

    >Mace will do that to you.

    >

    >Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

    >Breasts don't have eyes.

    >

    >Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays,

    Wednesdays and Fridays?

    >Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

    >

    >Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

    >A different bar.

    >

    >What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

    >A speech impediment.

    >

    >What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?

    >They're hiring.

    >

    >What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

    >A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe."

    >

    >How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

    >Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

    >

    >What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

    >A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."

    >A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s....t"

    >

    >Why is there no Disneyland in China ?

    >No one's tall enough to go on the good rides