NO TOILETS, NO SHOWERS, NO A/C, CRUMMY FOOD? .... SIGN ME UP!

I'm probably among the minority of Americans who look on the latest Cruise Ship mess with fondness and yearning.

In the two years I spent on a WWII-era US aircraft carrier (Coral Sea, '68'69) -- most of it steaming in the steaming hot and humid Pacific -- clogged toilets, no shower water, no a/c, and crummy food were, well, the norm, not the exception.  

We worked 16 hour-days.  

I don't recall the Captain handing out free drink tickets when the heads (toilets) didn't work.

And we paid a lot more than $3,000 apiece for our cruise tickets.

So, stranded passengers... suck it up ... make the most of it ... you may look back with fond memories and new friends on what today seems like a really shit*y cruise experience.

I do.

Sports Apparel Just Fun For These Two “Volunteers”

Americans spend more than $8 billion a year on sports logo apparel – 60 percent of them men and most have never set foot on campus or in the classroom of the university or college emblazoned on their chest, their undershorts, socks, and ball caps.

I’ve never been able to quite figure out the attraction of the sports clothing thing. 

And the two guys I ran into today didn’t help.

“Does that “T” on your caps stand for Tulane, Texas, Tennessee, or Tufts?,” I asked Jerry Tillman (photo, right) and Gary Steiner.

They laughed, looked at each other liked I’d just asked how many pennies are in a nickel.

“We were traveling through Knoxville, it was cold, so we stopped in Wal-Mart,” Jerry recalled, “looking for the cheapest cap in the store.”

They paid $1.98 apiece.

And the Tennessee Volunteers gained two new fans in Battle Creek, Michigan.

Or did they?

YOU FEEL SO GOOD THERE

"You feel so good there," the aging single male, whispered to his first time date, as he spread four fingers across the valley of her back, caressing, nudging and guiding her, like a beached dolphin back to sea, onto the senior center dance floor.

My long time friend twisted her lips ever so slightly in revulsion and the memory.

"He'd no idea what I was really thinking," she said. "God, I hate dating at my age."